Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Work is gettin more and more...i got only 2 more weeks there, but my boss said that i muz finish that thing by hook or by crook before i leave...mann...juz wat am i goin to do...im half-dead by evening
in that office...my back and my waist hurts a lot...i felt like givin up...but no...i forced myself to continue typing...i forced to discipline myself...to make myself sit on my chair for hours...to stare at the screen till my eyes hurt...i kept it going...i noe i need the inner self belief...the endurance and perseverance...im out of there soon...soon...im juz waiting for the last day...im leaving whther ive finished or not...
Im okay now, i hope...getting better than juz now...thz to Fad i think...coz i finally got to chat with her on MSN...we're now tokin bout some crappy stuff and everythin else that have been happening in her life in YJ...its so muc fun and so relieved to be chattin my my frens again, esp Fad...i miss her and my other frens so muc...i felt so lonely at times...well, juz look at my blog...u can juz count with ur fingers the pathetic amount of readers who read...this juz shows my number of frens...
Im so bored...i dunno whther i can make frens in poly like how i made frens in my sec sch...my sec sch frens are drifting apart...and im so scared of that...im already muc alone now...everyone hav been busy with their own things...and my bro are so tied up with his own important things in his life...he has his own 'wonderful' life and a great future with his gf...my parents are still the same old-fashioned type...yes, i lurve my family, but sometimes i felt like im all alone...tat no one actually understands me...wat im goin thru now....
Juz imagine my life rite now...early in the morning i already hav to go to work...at work im quiet most of the time...seldom tok to adult colleages...i respect them as real permanent staff apart from being older than me...in fact im the youngest in that office...some look down on me...fyne...i don give a heck...i noe im juz "anak abu"...so i'll juz do my work...lunch time i don go out...i stay put in office trying to finish the work...evening, i have my OTs...i don go home straight coz i went on OT...if i don OT, i will not finish work...reach home already late...tired and worn out...tomorrow, i will go thru the same whole routine again...do i get to discuss this with anybody?..get to let it out with anybody?...no...becoz everyone has their own life...i cant expect ppl to always be with me rite?...i muz learn to be an independent person...to be able to do things on my own without the help of ppl...this is wat they call working adult...but the problem is, i am not an adult...yet...and this means im not ready yet...
Ohhh wateva...anyway, I heard the song 'Stay the Same' by Joey Mcyintyre in office juz now..i nearly cried...it juz bring back those memories...tat last day...and last Sunday Khairiyah smsed me to chat for a while...we kept smsing for quite some time...all of these juz kept reminding me of how lonely i am...of how different i am with my friends..they are all out battling in their sch work but im not...im juz alone...
Im so sorry for this long-winded entry...very sorry...i juz apprecite it if anyone could lend ur 'eyes' on it...thank you...
