Monday, October 31, 2005
The whole thing is like an old radio being played, paused, rewinded, played, paused and it goes all over again. Cant anyone accepts, and moved on? Like whats the use of making the small matters into big ones, and started involving others. Little girly gerls like me wont do much, and cant help much. Im unheard, unseen and just unknown.
Indeed the cubaans and dugaans are getting tougher towards the end of Ramadhan. In the midst of Hari Raya preparation, this has to happen. To the old people, the seniors and them. Somehow or rather the hot sparks have gotten its way towards me. And being the usual temperamental person i am, i let it all out. I am like a dormant volcano waiting to be erupted, and yes, it has finally erupted. I do not hesitate to correct whats wrong, and i definitely cant tolerate such things any longer.
What does a child of 18 yrs old has got to do in such things, you tell me? Does my advices were being heard? Does my sayings gave any meanings at all? No, of cos not coz im just.... a child.
Ive been an obedient observer, and so ive got loads to comment. So maybe its not wise for me to get involved, but no ive had enough. Its time for me to say, because i dont wish to witness such things again. And nope, im no more a kid who can be bribed with toys and dolls to shut everything up. I cant take it any longer.
Ive never been this too personal or expressive in my blog, nor have i ever let it all out to anybody. It has always been my daily ramblings on my daily routines, but now its time to spurt out my feelings. I can no longer bottle it all in myself, especially when certain things has to happen. Its a way of expressing my feelings, and that is through my blog. I hope my loyal readers wont get frightened away, coz this is me.
I need all amounts of patience ive got to go through all of these again. Its been like this, and it will always be like this. I just gotta remind myself that none of them is gonna change, and that none of them is gonna give in. Everyone wants to win, and at the end of it, everyone got crushed out of it. Im so gonna leave all of it in the hands of Allah s.w.t.
Im merely a child, a daughter. There's nothing much i can do, much less help. Im tired of all of it, and so i'll just concentrate on my life. Obstacles are always part of our lives, and we shall never get discouraged by it. I'll make everything a learning journey, tho it can be rough and hazard at times, i gotta pull out of it. There shall be no more tears, none of it. Ive done my part, and now we gotta leave it to fate.
"Ya Rahman Ya Rahim, di saat-saat ini Kau mendugaku sekali lagi. Aku kini semakin lemah, namun aku gagahkan diri ini, demiMu Ya Allah. Aku tiada daya untuk melawan kehendakMu, lantas aku hanya mampu berdoa kepadaMu Ya Allah. Di sebalik keriangan, terselit kedukaan yg semakin menebal disekelilingku ini. Izinkan aku untuk terus berjuang dan berjihad dijalanMu Ya Allah. Perbaiki segala kemusnahan yg berlaku kini, dan kembalikanlah kebahagiaan yang aku nanti-nantikan, Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya Kau Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Bijaksana"
bebaskan aku dari gelombang duniawi...
