Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I dont really know when i'll get over this feeling and move on completely. Its definitely not easy, because she was the closest to me since young. I missed her smile, her laughter, her jokes, her silly antics and all sorts of her characters. Even when she was sick and bed-ridden, it was still me that she will asked for.
Now, preparing to be a mother myself, i cant help but miss her so much. I wish she could be with me to see the birth of my child- her grandchild. Going thru almost 9 month of this experience is enough to make me realise how much a mother has to go through to bring a child on earth. And how i have missed the opportunity to pay her back on all the things that she has done for me. I've always felt i've not paid her enough....because i think it will never be enough to repay a mother's deeds...
I cant seem to erase her images in my head and it just pulls me deeper into the mood of sadness. Tho hubby always adviced and comfort me, i think these feelings will stay put for quite a while. How can you ever erase a daughter's feeling towards her mother? Especially one who is very very very close to each other?
I cant help but recall those moments when i showered her, feed her, changed her clothes with dad, talked to her when she cant talk...and all other precious moments. It is just too overwhelming. To think about what she has gone through ripped my whole heart apart. I just wished i could hug and kiss her for one last time....
I hope everyone out there treasures their family members while they still can. It is such a pity to realise such precious moments when the person is gone. Treasure the moments while they are still around...
And my little one, i hope she'll be healthy with God's will. Come whatever, only Allah knows best. She is a gift from Allah, and i hope He guides me and hubby in bringing her up into this world.
There have been too many events happening in my life, and it keeps on challenging me. Tho i am aware that He will never put me to a test beyond my ability, it is still a challenge. Perhaps there is a blessing in disguise amidst all of these challenges.
Redhakan lah hatiku dgn ape jua yg bakal ku tempuhi....
